Something happened to me a few weeks ago that is still bothering me. I’ve taken all of the correct steps to deal with it, but the fact that it even happened still makes me upset. I’ve dithered back and forth with blogging about this occurrence, since it is slightly sensitive, but finally decided that this might help me. It might help to get rid of the anger I am still feeling about the event. Those of you that are friends of mine on Facebook have already heard a condensed version of these events, but here is the whole thing, laid out for everyone to read.
Where I work, I occupy one of two small offices that are within a larger office. Outside my door lie five cubicles, only four of which are occupied. I’ve been on fairly friendly terms with two of my co-workers that are in the cubes, let’s call them Q and X. Q’s birthday was in July and a bunch of people, including myself, took Q out for lunch and cake. When my birthday came around in August Q, X, and another coworker, Y (this is starting to resemble an algebra problem), wanted to take me out for lunch. I politely declined and thought that was the end of it.
As some background here, Q has, to put it nicely, a strong personality. They are very gregarious and overbearing and they don’t quite understand personal boundaries in polite conversation. I’m not referring to a person that has any type of issues, like Asperger’s, but just a pushy person. For instance, Q keeps trying to fix X up with people even though X has made it super abundantly clear that they would like to be left alone. Now Q keeps asking if I think X is homosexual – which is none of Q’s, or my business (and wouldn’t matter to me in the slightest. I don’t care what X’s sexual orientation is). I always just do the hand wave, say “It’s none of my business,” and walk away, refusing to even acknowledge the question.
So I should have known better than to believe that the question of a birthday lunch would be put to rest. Q kept bugging me about so I finally agreed to go two weeks ago. Q, X, Y, and myself all piled into X’s car to drive to a nearby restaurant for lunch.
No sooner do we get in the car than Q asks me “So, who are you voting for?”
Now, we’re ALL federal employees, which means that we are covered by the Hatch Act. We can’t be harassed, or harass, others about their politics. It makes things much more bearable during an election season. Unfortunately, this only applies when we are at work, or on work time, which comes into play here. We were off property and on lunch time.
So, I answered Q saying, “I don’t know.” Honestly, this isn’t true. I know perfectly well who I’m voting for. I try to keep informed, especially about politics, and I’ve known who I was going to vote for for awhile now. The only way my decision will change is if something drastic happens.
Q was not to be put off that easily. Q turned to X and asked who they were voting for. X also politely said, “I don’t know yet. I haven’t made up my mind.”
This should have been the end of it. Unfortunately, Q must not have ever received the lesson that you don’t discuss politics in public, and again asked me who I was voting for.
I replied again, “I don’t know yet. There’s still time to make up my mind. There are things I like and things I don’t like about both candidates. I have issues with them both and I haven’t yet decided which way I want to vote. Hey X, there’s a parking space there.” Quite honestly, I was trying to change the subject, as I could see this was heading downhill.
We had arrived at the restaurant and started getting out of the car.
Q then said, “You must be voting for Romney then.”
I said, “I really don’t want to discuss this. Let’s go eat.”
Q replied, “You ARE voting for Romney. The only issue you have with Obama is that he IS BLACK.”
Now, I was getting upset. Why does race always have to come into this everything. In the past, Q has called me a “Rich White Bitch” and “Racist,” to both of which Q has added a small chuckle and said they was joking. I’ve ignored the barbs in the past.
I said, “What the hell do I care if he’s black, yellow, white, or red? I think Obama is an ineffectual leader, but I have problems with Romney’s conservatism, too.”
But, this didn’t satisfy Q. Q kept harping on me as we entered the restaurant and were seated. Q kept going on about how I must have loved Bush or that I must have loved Reagan who was the worst president ever (seriously, this was the vitriol that Q was spouting!) I was trying to ignore Q at this point, as the manager gave us our menus. But then, Q muttered, under their breath so that I couldn’t hear them, “You’re a FUCKING BIGOT.”
I turned to Q and said, “Excuse me? What did you say?”
Q said, “I didn’t say anything.”
X and Y were looking very nervous at this point. I just shook my head and looked at the menu. Then, as X and Y finished deciding what they wanted, I said, “Who wants to see pictures of Charlie from the pumpkin patch last week?” I was forcing a subject change. It needed to change, and quickly.
I was so upset by what Q had called me. Where, in anything that I had said, was there any indication to call me a bigot? What did I do to enable anybody to call me by such a hateful word. I try so hard to make sure that I treat everybody the way I would like to be treated by them. I’ve never done anything to merit being called a racist or a bigot. But apparently, by indicating that I’m not a huge fan of this particular president, that makes me eligible for these types of remarks.
Why is it that people cannot separate the person from their politics, especially in this case, where I wasn’t even discussing anything of merit? There was not real political discussion here, just bullying. As John so eloquently put it, “When people are uneducated about the issues they just resort to name calling.” I’m not the only person that is put out by people using the election season as a way to force derision. If you’d like to read a very good take on how to survive the election, Miss Zoot wrote a very good post on it here.
Why do people feel the need to spew hatred like this? This wasn’t “joking” anymore. There are lines that each individual draws and to me, this was over the line. What if someone from work was walking by and heard Q call me this? What if this had happened at work for many people to hear? Or, what if Q goes and tells other people this at work? I can easily lose my reputation and, because of the strong emphasis that our department puts on EEO and diversity I could lose my chance at becoming a full time employee.
Because of this happening, and through the advice of John and several friends, I did take this story to my boss the next day (my boss is Q’s boss’s boss). I told him everything that happened, exactly as I told it here. I added that I didn’t want to take any action now, but I did want this documented in case it became an issue or in case a pattern was being established. My boss was sympathetic, thankfully, and noted everything down. At least I can say that I did everything I could at this point. Hopefully this is the end of it and nothing else happens.
I’m currently closing my office door a lot, so that I don’t have to interact much with Q. I’m cordial, but just polite enough. I really want to scream, shout, and call Q names. But, I am better than that. I don’t need to resort to name calling.
As an aside to the main point of this story, as I was showing pictures of the pumpkin patch, there was the picture of Shirin, and Q said to me, “Don’t you have any white friends?”
Now, isn’t that just ironic.
The Shaky Octopus 